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Friday, April 25

Goa... Goa... Muhaha!

Hello. The same old. The same old. The pressures of blogging got to me so the Macha has run away to Goa for leetal holiday! Will be a little irregular for the next few days, so kindly bear with the same.


I leave with a few pictures shamelessly picked from the website of the resort I am stayng in. Palolem beach, South Goa... idyllic, slow and lazy unlike the North Goan commercial orgy. Feast your eyes -

PS: Ok now, a reality check. I confess I was sold on the pictures above, but this is for any future Goa travellers... a beach-shack means... well, a beach-shack and nothing else. No TV, no AC, no nothing (Did I mention it is the off-season & the mercury is defying gravity)

Also, immediately after this, the Venting Macha will be relocating himself to that filth-hole of the Great Indian Urban Dream - Mumbai! So keep watching this space for the macha to vent against local trains, sweaty shirts inside local trains, the monsoons and local trains, the long queues and local trains, the road-is-perpetually-jammed-you-can-only-travel by a local train and did I mention local trains?

Anyways, its beer and prawns for me now... cheers!

PPS: & drenched... I'll get around to the tag, first thing after this :)

Monday, April 21

Popular culture for easy mass consumption

10 bucks says that most people reading this know squat about books, music and cinema
- they bastions of popular culture in my opinion. I am tired of people telling me that "But I don't know anything about books, so-and-so is so well read".

That is all but hogwash. If I just take books as a platform. Think about it, all the people you know who read, count the same people as their influences - Douglas Adams, JRR Tolkien, Salinger, Gabriel Marquez, O Henry, Hemingway, etc. I mean there is a list of about say 100 authors whose works we are familiar with. Even the more 'hardcore' reader will not take a name which a person with a decent IQ will not be familiar with.

There is a distinct reason for this. This is a slightly complicated argument, so bear with me. The idea is that most of us who read books purchase it from formatted stores such as Landmark or Crossword. Indeed, since these have come up very few book-lovers have consistently decided to stay away from it. Ever since, it is the selection-manager/team of Crosswords that decides the ambits of popular collection and fringe literature for all of us.

We are presented 2 shelves for say non-fiction, and the same is populated by about 500 titles. The person browsing the store thinks he has the choice to "pick" his book, but somebody in the back-office has already decided which 500 titles from say the 20,000 odd at his disposal should be displayed for selection. The same is true for music and cinema as well. Sure, you can order a book/CD/film if it's not available, but only a true aficionado would subscribe to something like that.

As a result, an increasing homogeneity of popular culture is coming to be. Our idea of cinema comes to limited to popular Hollywood/Bollywood titles of the 90s. You are branded an intellectual if you have seen the cinema of staples such as Satyajit Ray, Ghatak, Kurosawa, Almodovar, Kieslowski, etc. It is cool in an intelligent way to name Francis Coppola or Stanley Kubrick as your favourite film-makers, the same way it cool to have read Rushdie or Naipaul or Shelley, or claim superiority of Jethro Tull over Pink Floyd or The Doors over The Beatles.

When you pick up the giant omnibus of the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, most rockaholics cannot even recognize even a single band for every 10-15 pages. The reason for that is our understanding of rock music floats in the universe of - Elvis, Buddy Holly, Dylan, The Beatles, Hendrix, The Doors, Pink Floyd, Stones, Dire Straits, Queen, Nirvana, etc. You know the usual suspects. The "cooler" ones may name The Ramones, Sex Pistols/The Clash & the punks, Velvet Underground, etc.

The idea is that even here you can easily compile a list of about 80-100 acts which would cover the "popular understanding" of rock music for about 99% of people. There is no diversity of thought. There really cannot be. There is nothing that encourages it, there is nothing that warrants it.

I am tired of our notion of popular culture being modified by marketing departments of mass retail chains and media houses running culture (read: films, music, etc) channels. I am not against Crosswords & its cousins, it has done a good job bringing culture-enthusiasts into the visible mainstream.

But where are the book-lover societies, the film-clubs that eagerly pursue cinema as a voracious passion rather than a retail-format driven lust of a "killer" collection or for that matter music buffs seeking the art of marginal music movements that feed their own notion of self and identity and by extension the music they are then inspired to create. In effect, the input is a giant mass of easy-to-consume-mashed-fruit-pulp for a population of a billion - therefore, the output can hardly be a 7-course spread of an exquisite spread.

And we still wonder why we have to see a "size-zero" (what does that even mean?) Kareena Kapoor gyrate in skimpy clothes while the sex-starved horny producer is busy getting through his routine of masturbating 10 times per day as he sees some desperate starlet lock-lips with a confused hero in a disaster-wreck of a plot in the name of a Rs 150 buck cinematic experience at the nearest INOX.

You really have to ask yourself then... was the 50 bucks you spent on a giant coke, really worth it?

Saturday, April 19

IPL: Reasons why it annoys the shit out of me


Yay! Look SRK... look Juhi Chawla and Gauri Khan... look-look SRK's kids... omigawd, SRK is dancing to the wicket that player whose name I am sure he doesn't know, just took. Oh, this is too much entertainment. I am exhausted by all that passion... I think I will faint.

That is roughly the delirium that unfolds around me as I try to duck under some rock till this garish explosion of the most perverse kind of intellectual bankruptcy blows over. There are so many reasons why I abhor it that unless I take a deep breath before I rant, I'll have a stroke and die.

(takes a deep breath)

Firstly, I hate the way the BCCI has flexed its muscles to bulldoze this shit into out lives. I mean has anybody ever wondered by IPL is getting headlines & prime-time slots and why the ICL made only a 2-inch column on the "Other News" in the Sports sections of most newspapers.

Not that ICL itself is martyr or anything (that's a different story altogether) but it just makes me sad that in a country where the media prides itself on its "neutrality" and "fairness" - they arbitrarily decide to boycott ICL for getting coverage rights for the IPL. Surely, a tournament which boasts of a "who's who" of cricket by itself deserves more attention in a cricket-crazy nation.

Secondly, it just makes my blood boil to see Preity Zinta selling IPL tickets for "her" team and field questions about women's equality and how she's holding her own in a "man's world" while in the background a 7-year old girl walks a tightrope and performs acrobatic feats to keep the IPL fans "entertained" while they wait for their ticket.

Btw, the tickets were being sold for Rs 8000 each, while the little girl was reportedly being paid a mere thousand bucks to risk her neck & spine for "entertaining" these people. Women's equality ambassador? Bullshit? Anyone?

I am all for libertarian economics, but there is a small sub-text of exploitation that runs through this whole jamboree that it makes rationalizing these things a little more of a difficult task.

Thirdly, the plain hypocrisy with which the BCCI says that they are "promoting cricket" in India is astounding. Here is a small list of extremely talented cricketers from India who in an ideal world should have seen more of the national team -

Abhishek Jhunjhunwala, Ambati Rayadu, Deep Dasgupta, Dinesh Mongia, Hemang Badani, Reetinder Singh Sodhi, Rohan Gavaskar, TP Singh, etc.

Anybody who has followed even a little bit of Ranji cricket, most names would ring familiar bells. Unfortunately they'll never be seen in the Indian national team... or the BCCI XI. A little known fact, the team we so unabashedly cheer for in the world cup, etc has nothing to do with the Indian nation.

In a landmark judgement by the supreme court a few years ago - the cricket team as fielded in these tournaments are the exclusive property of BCCI and not the Indian nation.

Fourthly, what does a knight rider even mean?

All the King's men...


Knight-Riders? Like "riders" of Knights? Is it me or does it sound like there is an innuendo of some twisted and extremely kinky medieval homosexual fantasy happening here? And then it says "All the King's men". To best of my knowledge Kolkata never had Knights and the last "King" to rule over it briefly was Siraj-ud-Daulah before Lord Clive re-took the city during the Battle of Plassey. Surely Kolkata with such a rich and proud heritage could have offered better symbols of nomenclature.

Similarly, the Rajasthan Royals, Kings XI Punjab. Chennai SuperKings. What Kings? What royalty? Where? Or better still, my personal favorite - Bangalore Royal Challengers. Bravo.

What is pissing off is that the owners have tried to create a branding maelstrom around their teams to create a "cult following". What follow are shamelessly blatant branding techniques done to death - music videos, PR appearances, blanket hoardings, TV bites and media spots. Sad bit is people are buying it.

Imagine seeing a Bangalore citizen and identifying yourself with an premium whiskey brand or being Kolkata guy and living with yourself as a "King's [SRK] man - a Knight rider".

Lastly, with IPL and ICL, the economics of the corporates firmly enters the domain of cricket - the last bastion of any kind of proud sporting prowess in our country. Pretty soon you'd be having Provogue presents "Kings XI Punjab Party Wear" or the Reliance "Mumbai Indians Credit Card" or something. With cricketers making unheard of salaries, nobody will be expected to take Ranji Trophy and all seriously.

Not to mention the hog that is BCCI, it will prevent the development of similar league experiments elsewhere and throttle the game itself. While it does so, hordes of twenty-somethings will sit in front of the television with their Pepsi/Coke in their hand and scream their lungs hoarse on some misplaced concept of identifying with a "tribe".

It took English soccer, a proper century to become the life, blood and passion of a people. The problem is we all envy it so much, that we are ready to make massive fools of ourselves for getting a part of that in our lives.

If only we looked in the right places more often.

Friday, April 18

JetLite? Right? Hello...

Call-centers have a way to annoy me. When they are not inspiring tepid best-selling "literary masterpieces of modern Indian writing" with such hideously ugly blue covers that I had aneurysm; they mess with your everyday life.

I wanted to book a flight from Kolkata to Mumbai. I don't have a credit-card, so I wanted the address of any booking-centers so I could go get the booking done. This is what the JetLite website had to say -

FAQ 18. How to book a seat without a credit-card?

~ To book a seat without a credit card, you can buy the tickets at any of our ticketing/sales offices or through Jetlite appointed travel agents by paying cash. You could also block reservations at our call-center 1800-22-3020 or 30302020 and purchase the ticket from any of our Airport Offices within the time limit as set while making reservations on phone.

Sweet. So I call the number. I am greeted by a pre-recorded message.

Pre-Recorded Message: Welcome to JetLite, where you can get a flight [or some such inane rhyming thing... I kid you not]. If you want... ... reservations press 2... ... for other assistance stay on the line.

Me: Er, eh. Press 2.

PRM: Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme... ... Welcome to JetLite... Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme... [loop]

Me: I'll try again. [quick dialing...] Stay on the line.

PRM: Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme... ... Welcome to JetLite... Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme...

Me: Arghh! [Quick dial again] Press-2

PRM: Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme... ... Welcome to JetLite... Our Cosmos Frequent Flier Programme...

Me: [5 minutes 21 seconds according to phone-timer]... let's see who's blinks first.

JetLite: Hello you have reached JetLite

Me: Who was I with for so long?

JL: uh? Can I help you?

Me: Flight to Mumbai... Block the ticket, I don't have a credit-card.

JL: Can't do that Sir

Me: What shit? Your website says...

JL: Doesn't matter Sir. We cannot help you!

And that was that. I didn't know whether to bang my head on the phone or to go down to the Airport and punch the man at the counter. In the end I settled the matter by wolfing down a packet of chocolate-biscuits. Ah... pure magic, indeed.

All in a day's work I guess.


Wednesday, April 16

Whatte Wakau, I am

I am fat, I am balding, I am 22 but I look 38 and I am blogging.


I am not disturbed or depressed. I am not funny, and the closest I have come to suffering from an exotic "disorder" like MPD or Bulimia was when I had malaria. I am just an average guy who lives an average life with average friends and an average family.

Welcome.