5 Easy Steps to become an Instant Politcal Dickhead

Stupid fascists are at it again. The face is different, a different name... the war-cry the same and the so is the idea of politics. Exclusionism is an easy ticket to fame in the diverse mosaic that is India.

1. Get alarmed at the cold-shoulder that the national media is giving you. Now-now dahlings, just because we don't have six-pack abs or a size-zero frame, doesn't mean we don't like page-3! Phoo!


2. Identify a dormant majority community. You can make a quick game out of this too. Language, region, religion, culture... so many possible ways to pick this community. Ooh-ooh, so much fun!


3. Identify the 'outsider'. Oh joy, more fun! Caution: The excess joy might cause you to orgasm.


4. Shave those pubes (long-public rallies in the summer can leave you with itchy, sweaty patches... hardly unbecoming of a 'public-hero'.


5. Launch into a tirade of how the majority have been marginalised by the 'outsiders'. Use words like 'direct action', 'Jai *insert name*' and phrases which basically make a mockery of the constutution and the democracy of the country. When you pair these with thick-rimmed glasses (last seen on Preity Zinta) - you are bound to be taken seriously as a desperately stupid and parochial politician, which is more or less the effect you are gunning for anyways.

Now sit back and enjoy a pubes-free orgasm as the national media scurries to give you a prime-time spot and then roundly condemns you. You can of course use this 'negative mileage' to portray yourself as a victim of a national conspiracy to "marginalise the interest of the chosen-community".

This is of course if you don't orgasm yourself to exhaustion before that.